my mind is full of toxic thoughts that I struggle to ignore

why do I keep shopping I’m 100% too fat and gross and my skin is so
bad I want to never eat again

I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.” - James Frey

Feeling empty is worse than being sad
You can weep sadness into your favourite pillow
Or fracture your mothers sacred vase to relieve your anger

But when you feel nothing
When you’re hollow and numb 
You’re left slicing valleys into your skin,
hoping perhaps it’s feelings flowing from the gashes.
You think it will take away the shaky hands and swollen throat, 
mend the shattered heart inside you.

But its not
And it won’t
And you’re left in a pile of blood and tears on the bathroom floor,
wishing somebody told you to pick yourself up and not shut down your feelings.

there aren’t many things that make me feel something anymore

I wish for things I cannot obtain and changes I am too anxious to pursue
I want to be a better person

get to see jack in two days party 4 dayzeeeeee

this is shit tho I want to sleep for a long time

too fat for elegant dance costumes tho

i am so stressed and nothing is simple and everything hurts and confuses me and i am always tired and i just really wanted this feeling to go away but maybe it never will that is a scary thought

no fuck that you’re not allowed to do this it’s been a year and you can’t break someone’s heart and then be lovely to them on their birthday and think it’s okay that’s not how life works you’re still toxic to me and you’re not allowed to come back into my life now you can’t ruin the good things I have you’re poison I hate what u do

it’s my birthday n I’ll cry if I want to

it’s my birthday tomorrow and I just want to be skinny plz lord